


Je Sais Que Tu N'es Pas Ma Réalité

by ChocolateCoveredCannolis



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M, Mild Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-03-13 16:27:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13574391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChocolateCoveredCannolis/pseuds/ChocolateCoveredCannolis
Summary: It had only been a few weeks since you'd broken up with Sonny Carisi... were you ready to see him again?





	Je Sais Que Tu N'es Pas Ma Réalité

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you as always to Carisiismyhomeboy and Do-Me-Carisi for all their help! <3

It had been awhile since you had been out. You hadn’t much been in the mood to go out lately, but tonight you had decided to give it a go. Besides, you could use a drink or two. It had only been a few weeks, but you went through a pretty rough breakup and hadn’t been out with your friends since then. It was your best friend’s birthday, and you’d feel pretty shitty if you didn’t go.

You were running a little late, the subway took too long to go in between stations. A usual occurrence, but still annoying. No one would be offended, but you hated being late. You walked into the bar, and it was jam-packed. It sounded like the party was in full swing. You could see that Jenn was making her rounds, so you went to the bar to get yourself a drink, and her a shot. Gin and tonic for you, a shot of tequila for her. The bartender slid you the drinks, and Jenn appeared beside you.

“Happy birthday!” You greeted her with the shot.

“Thank you!” She downed it in an instant. Jenn looked at you with a bit of concern. You knew her too well. She was about to give you news that you wouldn’t like. You--and she-- were sure of it. Rather than waste any time on small talk you confronted her right away.

“What…?” You preemptively took a swig of your drink. Jenn took a deep breath.

“Sonny is here.” She exhaled.

Your heart sank right into the pit of your stomach. The last time you saw Sonny, it ended well, but it still _ended_ . Despite promises to still be friends, there was no turning back, not really. You _could_ be civil, but it was way too soon. The wounds were still fresh, and you didn’t feel like rubbing salt into it.

On the other hand, this was Jenn’s birthday, and you had wanted to be here for her. You couldn’t let fucking Sonny Carisi keep you from being the good friend you ought to be. Men had never held you back from being the best friend you could be, and _Sonny Carisi_ sure would not become the exception to that rule. He was Italian, not French.

It was as if Jenn could see your thought process--and she might as well have, you never did have much of a poker face.

“Okay… that’s okay. I’ll be fine.” You said, half-convincingly. Jenn looked at you shrewdly. She always could read you better than you could yourself. In fact, only Sonny came close to Jenn in terms of knowing you. _That_ was history.

“Look, you know I didn’t invite him, right?” Jenn looked slightly worried. You smiled and hugged her.

“I know, I know.” You hugged her tighter.

“It was Jason. I’m not quite sure he knows you two aren’t together anymore.”

You sighed. Of course Jason wouldn’t know. You hadn’t really seen too many people since it happened. In many ways this was the first time you had seen most of this crowd since everything went down. You and Sonny used to run into Jason all the time when you were together, it made sense that he’d mention the party. It didn’t make sense for Sonny to show up, but then again you wouldn’t quite know where his head would be at these days.

 _It’s okay, you can do this_. You mustered your best fake smile.

“I guess not.” You hugged her tight. “I’ve got this, don’t worry.” You signalled the bartender and ordered Jenn another shot, as well as yourself.

“Happy birthday!” You both downed your shots. You may have also finished your gin and tonic as well. If you had to be around your ex, then you weren’t going to do so sober.

Grabbing another drink, you made your way into the crowd. You weren’t going to seek out Sonny, but you weren’t going to hide from him either. Jason was the first person to find you.

“Hey!” he said as he gave you a hug.

“Hey yourself!” You smiled back at him. Jason gave you a sheepish look.

“Hey, so no one told me you and Sonny had broken up…” _Ah, so Jenn had gotten to him first_. “I didn’t know, otherwise I wouldn’t have invited him…” You smiled and shook your head.

“It’s okay, Jason. Really.” You took a sip of your drink. “I’m a big girl, I can handle it.”

He looked at you with concern.

“I know… but you don’t hate me, do you?”

You shook your head again and laughed.

“No, I don’t hate you, Jason. At least not yet.” You winked at him. The look on your face softened, as relief washed over him. His body relaxed.

“Oh good. I felt super bad as soon as I found out.”

“It’s alright! Honestly.” You chuckled. “Besides, if you really feel that badly, you can buy me a drink.”

“Another G&T, coming right up!” Jason made his way to the bar. You finished off the rest of your drink at hand.

Jason had given you your next drink, and you were making your rounds amongst your friends. It had been really nice to catch up with this group. It really had been a long time. Though it had been pleasant, and you were psyching yourself up, there was a nervousness in your gut in the shape of Sonny Carisi.

The inevitability of running into him was imminent. You kept scanning the room, but couldn’t see him or his damn long legs. There was no way he could have hidden himself so well in here. Was he even here? Was he avoiding you?

Suddenly, as if the universe was mocking you, you heard that thick Staten Island accent.

  
“Nice shot, but I could do one bettah!”

Of course he was at the pool table. Where else would he be? It wouldn’t be the dancefloor, that’s for sure. The two of you would play pool all the time when you were out. He was pretty good, but not as good as you. You must have been staring for too long, because you made eye contact. _Shit_ . You took a sip of your drink. _Here goes nothing_. Making your way to the pool table you waved at him.

“Who’s winning?” You leaned back against the wall.

“”Who d’ya think?” He smiled in response. _So far, so good_.

“Well, that’s only because you’re not facing me.” _Shit_. You didn’t mean to come across as flirty. This was going to be harder than you thought.

“No, I never could beat you, doll.” There was some of that warmth in his eyes that you loved--had loved--and you were doing your best to ignore that.

Sonny placed his hand on the wall beside you. You were used to him being this close to you, and you almost leaned in. _Almost_. That would have been your natural inclination a few weeks ago, but not tonight. He broke the silence.

“Hey so uh, I wasn’t gonna come, but y’know… Jason can be a little…”

“Annoyingly persuasive?” You offered with a smile. His face softened.

“Yeah, you could say that. Guy wouldn’t let me alone all the way between produce and frozen foods!” He smiled at you for a moment before giving you a serious look. “I… I can leave if it’s…it’s…”

You shook your head vehemently. You refused to be the reason Sonny left.

“No, no, it’s alright.”

Sonny nodded. Before, you two could share an easy silence between you; nothing needed to be said. Now, there was this awkward, void of a silence. You were going to take another stab at saying something, but got cut off by a blonde woman.

“Can I get next game?” She was looking right at Sonny, who didn’t even look at you.

“Sure thing.” He beamed at her. _Ah, so that’s how it is_ . You were feeling simultaneously amused and relieved. _I guess that wasn’t flirting, then_.

Sonny racked up the balls, and him and the blonde started playing. You leaned back against the wall, swirling your drink, desperately looking for someone else to talk to. Being civil was one thing, but watching Sonny openly flirt with someone else, that was out of the question. Especially when you thought you were making some progress.

Thankfully, you had your drink in your hand. Concentrating on not breaking the glass was keeping you from acting out irrationally. Watching Sonny play pool with that woman--Renée was her name, you found out from eavesdropping--was starting to grind your gears. You could feel your ears burn. It could have been the alcohol, but it also could have been the slow rage creeping up your neck.

It was happening in front of you like a train wreck; you couldn’t stop it, but you couldn’t look away either. Sonny was running on about 80% charm. He never did have to run at a full 100%, he didn’t need to. She was putty in his hands, and why wouldn’t she be? The Dominick Carisi charm was like the sun; warm and magical. If you were lucky enough to be grazed by it, you would long for nothing else. Not that you longed for it now, but it did hurt to see it be used on someone else. Someone not worthy.

You had to snap out of it. Thinking like this could not end well. It was starting to get a little awkward just standing there. Sonny clearly wouldn’t notice if you walked away. Hell, you could disappear all together, and he probably wouldn’t bat an eyelash at this point. You wanted to melt into the ground.

Glancing around, the only exit from this situation was back to the bar. You practically yelled your order at the bartender. That wasn’t your intention, but your previous drinks were catching up to you. You gladly took the drink the bartender slid over to you. It wasn’t something you should be having, but it was the only way you were going to make it through this mess.

You couldn’t leave now--it was too early in the night. And besides, if you left before Sonny… no that couldn’t happen. You also didn’t want to piss Jenn off. It was her birthday and the last thing you wanted to do was make it about yourself.

You leaned against the bar, when you clued into the music playing.

_‘Can’t stand by myself. Hate to be alone.’_

The song wasn’t familiar, but you could relate. You found yourself gravitating towards the dancefloor. What a cliché--drunk woman on a dancefloor. What did it matter anyway? It’s not like you were making a fool of yourself like Sonny was, practically falling over the first pretty face to come his way. You couldn’t scream like you wanted to, but you were certainly going to dance your heart out.

_‘I feel like just a baby. Portrait of a lady. Poster of a girl.’_

Letting the music take over you, you started swaying your hips to the beat. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see Sonny at the pool table. He was still all over that girl--woman-- _Renée_ . You closed your eyes and turned around. You couldn’t stop what was going on, but you didn’t have to witness it. You didn’t hate yourself _that_ much. You just danced it out harder. Maybe, just maybe, if you danced hard enough, the world would melt away. Perhaps you were dancing a little too recklessly, because you accidentally stepped on someone’s foot.

“Ouch!” Exclaimed a very well-dressed man.

“I’m so, _so_ sorry!”

The man laughed and shook his head.

“It’s okay!” He stepped a little closer to you. “Maybe I can forgive you…”

“Maybe you can forgive me… and how is that?” _Okay, gin was definitely taking control there._ He stepped even closer.

“Maybe I can forgive you… if you dance with me?”

You grinned and leaned up, your voice brushing into his ear.

“Forgive me then…”

There was no need for any further invitation. He placed his hands on your hips as you swayed to the music. The power of the gin helped but this was the first time since your break-up with Sonny that you felt attractive; that you even wanted to be desired by another man. You placed your arms around his neck, keeping your gaze on his lips, daring him with your eyes to kiss you.

A dare was all it was going to be as soon as you felt a tap on your shoulder. You didn’t even need to turn around to know it as Sonny.

“Mind if I cut in?”

The man instantly withdrew himself from you.

“By all means…”

And with that, the handsome stranger backed off completely. You turned around.

“What the _fuck_ , Sonny?!”

He shrugged with a sly look on his face.

“You’re fucking unbelievable, Sonny.”

Seeing red, you pushed through the crowd towards the washroom. You didn’t dare look behind you, just barreling forward. As you were approaching the door, Sonny placed his hand on the the wall in front of you.

“Wait! Just listen!”

You turned your head up and glared at him.

“ _What?_ ” The venom in your voice was hard to miss.

“Why’d you take off? I just wanted to dance!”

“If you wanted to dance so badly, why didn’t you ask _Renée_?”

Sonny bit down on his lip. Of course he didn’t have an answer. You doubled down.

“You were having so much fun playing pool with her, so why not dance?”

Still no answer. You were right. You pummelled ahead.

“You had no problem ignoring me as soon as she came by. It’s fine. You’re allowed. But as soon I find someone to hang out with, you _magically_ appear?"

You were letting him have it, but he wasn’t responding or making eye contact. You nudged his shoulder.

“What? Say something! Does Dominick Carisi _finally_ have _nothing_ to say? You’re the one that stopped _me_!”

He opened his mouth to say something, but promptly closed it. You sighed, exhausted with all of this.

“You know what? _Fuck_ this. You had your chance to dance with me. _I_ wasn’t the one that wanted to break up. That was _you_ . You had your chance but you gave it up. _Live with it._ ”

You turned away from him, storming your way to the exit. You gathered your jacket and purse and pushed yourself out of the door. You’d make your apologies to Jenn later. She’d understand. Right now you need to walk out of there and keep walking. Keep walking until the rage burned off. It felt as if a weight was lifted off of your shoulders. You were mad, _very_ mad, but you also felt… _relieved_.

For the first time in weeks you were okay, and for the first time, you knew you would be okay.


End file.
